For the past couple months, I have squeezed my son's Kindergarten curriculum into a less than two hour block of time in the morning, and have utilized public transportation to get both my children to childcare, so that I could work in a childcare environment, and of course, make some money. The whole experience is something I will have to write about another time. I will say that none of us will ever forget our bus stop days, my kids' pleading with me to never get another car (because riding the bus is that much fun:), the morning exercise... Most important is the goodness we gleaned from a seemingly bleak situation, and the clarity of purpose that I have gained for myself.
When I left my job recently, I did so with much trepidation in regards to several aspects of life-- finances not being the least among them. Above all these concerns, however, is my desire to offer my own children the best of myself-- full days of attentive care, study and exploration. I first dabbled in the idea of homeschooling back in 2006, following the birth of Eva. Kobey had been enrolled in a preschool program, and I was in school full time, taking mostly online courses. In short, I felt I could do a better job with his Early Education, and my schedule allowed me to do so... There the journey began, but was cut short when I enrolled in courses that had me on campus full time.
In September 2007, we all began attending our respective classes full time. As with everything, there were good and bad times, accomplishments and failures, sadness and joy. There are the parts of the experience that I will forever appreciate and those that I wish we could have avoided. I will ALWAYS appreciate my brothers' financial and emotional support during those times. I have not finished my degree, but I am so much closer. Will I ever finish? Do I care about obtaining an Accounting Degree? Those are questions for another day... In May 2008, it became clear to me that I would not be sending my son off to Public Kindergarten in the Fall. I knew nothing but that fact, and I went with my conviction, and when my landlord sold our duplex, when my car broke down, when I was barely able to make ends meet, and when I was frustrated to almost daily tears, I stuck by it.
What I consider my real homeschooling journey began with the belief that I would do Kobey's Kindergarten Year (I mean ,really, who can screw up Kindergarten?) and prepare him for public or private school next Fall. It has since grown and deepened and looking forward, it is unclear how long I will remain his primary teacher... I have visited a multitude of homeschooling websites, blogs and informative pages, researched national education guidelines, state laws, and have accepted a wide range of opinions on the subject. From all this, one of the best things I have learned is to take it year by year, to allow myself and my children to experience the present, and not worry what the future may hold. All along, since 2006, I have kept in contact with several homeschooling families-- their blogs, websites and online discussions; I want to take a second to thank those women, as the sharing of their lives and schooling situations has been intrumental to the belief that I can do it too.
Since my first child was very young, I have admired and appreciated homeschooling, but allowed myself to be repressed by the belief that there was no way a single mothe rof two could ever make it work. Some of you may remeber an almost-contempt that I felt toward those who I believed were only successful in their schooling endeavors because of their money-making husbands. At that time, I was pretty bitter and often saddened by the choices of my past. I was angry at times and resentful of my children's father. I possessed a severely defeatist attitude and sold my self short on my dreams.
I have been humbled by my experience as the sole provider for my children, and I have come to not only accept my situation, but to embrace and truly appreciate our unique family life. I have learned that the attention anyone gives to consumerism and commercialism is not only based on how much money one actually has, but is formed by our personal values and convictions. I no longer look at mine as a temporary situation that a college degree could "fix" but as a cause for celebration and an ever-deeping and widening love of my home and all things domestic.
So, I am starting this blog, to offer my experience, as a Mother, a Home-keeper and Schooler. It has been a long road from feeling admitedly sorry for myself and my fatherless children to the realization of the intrinsic beauty in our lives. There have been moments and people of great influence on my journey, and there have been simple experiences of crying to some tunes over a sinkfull of dishes. Domesticity and Tradition have been big players all along. A prayerful state of being has been the Star. I want to share some of that, for the reader and for myself, a permanent record of my heart... As I begin, it may take some looking back, some self-reflection, but that is where the celebration begins!!
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